Vol. 1 · Happy Valley · Free
The Sidewalk Record
War on e-bikes edition
Tuesday, September 15, 2026
People —Born —Died —Bikes —
From the desk
Lake Saint Louis PD says e-bikes are a headache. Kansas City wrote another ordinance. St. Louis is looking for a moped that left without asking. Highway Patrol’s board still mostly says DWI, and it vanishes in five days. If a Sur-Ron made the paper, it made the paper. We clip the stories. We don’t run a jail.
Pedal bikes did this dance a hundred years ago. The motor just made the sidewalk louder. Outta the way is still the whole plot.
Baddy of the week
Miss Sidewalk
A drawing. Not a booking photo. This week’s clip:
Waiting on the local wire.
The riderless bike
First they took the steering wheel. Tesla did the quiet little glide with nobody pretending to drive. Now the saddle is empty too. Pedals going. Helmet on the bars. Ticket already printed for the seat.
The coast is testing lunch robots in the bike lane. Somebody in California sold a three-grand e-bike that doesn’t need you — a Trojan horse with cranks. Happy Valley will still yell outta the way. The bike won’t hear it. Nobody’s home.
A ghost bike used to mean a rider who didn’t make it. This one means a rider they didn’t bother putting on. Same sidewalk. Worse manners.
Missouri clips
Post-Dispatch, Star, KSDK, FOX 2, NewsBreak, city council notes — whatever the public wire will give us.
Setting type…
Elsewhere
Nothing in from the coast.
Classifieds
- Lost. One sidewalk. Last seen under an e-bike doing thirty in a school zone.
- For sale. Lightly used reasonable doubt. Cash only. No Sur-Rons on the lawn.
- Notice. Popcorn encouraged. Megaphones optional. All verdicts subject to appeal.
- Found. One rider. Bike left without them. Inquire at the fruit cart.
Headlines are other people’s reporting, linked. Official Patrol search lives five days at MSHP HP71. Clocks are estimates.